Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He passed out mid-signature
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
