I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
