We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
