everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
