This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
