You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just gargled with NyQuil
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
