i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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