i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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