bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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