Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Barsexuality is the new black.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize