i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
