apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
