I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
