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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
