i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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