Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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