did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize