i wish there were pregnant emoticons
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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