is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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