you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
