As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
