U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
