Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
