So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
