You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
