dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
