Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize