They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My feet surprised me
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