i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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