ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
