I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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