She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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