Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
