On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
