My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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