There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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