I'm lost and stupid without you.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
