he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
