omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
