What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
