I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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