You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
