My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
