OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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