she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
