I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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