time to smoke my breakfast
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We are two peas in an std pod
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
