I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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