They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
