so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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