bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize