I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize