It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
