Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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