Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
