took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
