it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Buhtt sex?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
