my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
