Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
