then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
