So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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