Non-Jews are for practice
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
