Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
