So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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