I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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